curses

I cannot explain how much pain today has been. Simply moving hurts. Deep breaths hurt. I mean, if I shift a centimentre in my chair it hurts, and not just "ouch", actually so much that I can't unclench my teeth. It's ridiculous. Absolutely stupid. And it's not fair. I'm taking the pills, like I'm meant to. I'm trying to eat regularly. There really isn't very much more I could do. I'm fed up. I wrote some poems. They're not all from today. They're from all over the place. But whatever. Oh yeah, I have an English Mock and a timed essay for Drama to look forward to tomorrow. *giggles* Such fun.


A Poem
You are my best friend and my worst enemy.
You control me but I am the one that uses you.
You're never gentle or kind, but still I invite you in,
When I need you.
You like the thrill you feel when you've squahed me to the ground.
You like the power that fills you when I am yours alone.
You like to see me curled up and shaking.
You like to stop me in my tracks and throw me to the floor,
So I'm shrunken and misshapen, beyond sound and movement.
Then I hate you. I curse you. Silently I yell.
But there are times when I need you.
Sometimes you are my friend.
I like the control I have to bring you in.
I welcome you late at night, when I'm too tired to cope.
You guide me when I cannot think.
You help suppress the anger.
Are you destructive?
I think not.
You are my best friend.
But also my worst enemy.

Look at the World
I look at the world.
It's spinning and rocking,
While I sit frozen on the floor.
I look at the world:
Chaotic and ugly,
While holding my head in my hands.
I look at the world.
I notice it's completely still.
'Tis I who spins and rocks and swirls.
Time is stopped
But life goes on.

A Simple Why
Why can't you see
That she can't see?
Why won't you hear
Her silent cries?
Why can't you help
When life's too much?
Why not see through her lies?

A Dream - quote
A dream is never achievable.
If it is achievable
It is not a dream.